We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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