she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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