hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
