i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
