I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
