Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
His hands were made for my vagina.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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