Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
