Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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