I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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