Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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