Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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