I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
