I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
