he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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