I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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