Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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