there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
