We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
