Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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