i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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