Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
