I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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