I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
what day is it and did you see me today?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
