you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
