see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
