i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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