I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
