Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
