I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
