I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
