i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
