the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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