do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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