my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Green mimosas i think yes
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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