Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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