While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
