THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
