I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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