How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
