Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
