Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize