We're facebook friends in real life
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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