I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
