my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
