Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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