Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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