Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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