i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
