Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
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