oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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