oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
