why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
