So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
