all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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