if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
