Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
