hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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