A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
