Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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