accomplished twins. life is a go
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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