hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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