Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
