I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I checked into jail on foursquare
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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