Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
