So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
