i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize