clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
