thus making me awesome and them whores
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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