i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
