did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
